within the last 24 hours of 2011

I started writing this after 2 am on December 31st.  I cannot believe a year has gone by since the last New Year's Eve.  It's crazy to think about how much has happened-good, bad, beautiful, and ugly.  Time flies, and I hear it only goes faster as the years goes on.

Anyways... people make New Years Resolutions.  I have done it before, and have been successful once. I have New Year's Goals for 2012.

I want to live life freely, without bitterness or anger.

I want to trust myself and God more and more.

I want to read more (this usually makes the list... but I am just not a reader).

and, I REALLY hope to end up in Italy this summer. (Lord willing, of course).

C.S. Lewis

"Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness."

Music is Spirit with a Tune

I just realized my last two posts were lyrics... I don't think anyone is reading these posts anyways, so I don't really care.

But, it made me think about how music really has the power to describe and unleash what's happening within me.

...liberty...
So often I shackle myself with sin, shame, or sorrow.
But, for freedom I have been set free!

I am really learning the importance of leaning on the Lord-and not on myself.
I don't think I have ever been so in touch with how fallen I really am.
That's fine, it's good... really.
It's just not easy to be broken, humbled, and reminded:
i. am. nothing.

Liberty by Shane & Shane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywZU7g_YQLI
(Video is with Phil Wickham)


The Lord is the Spirit 
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, now 
There is liberty 
And the Spirit lives inside of me 
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, now 
There is liberty, there is liberty, 
There is liberty 

For freedom You set me free 
And yes, I am free indeed 
You rewrote my name 
And shackled my shame 
You opened my eyes to see 
I am free 

When the spirit of the world 
Comes to kill me and enslave me I will say 
There is liberty 
For the chains of sin that once entangled me 
Have been broken, now I'm singing 'cause I'm free 
There is liberty, there is liberty, 
There is liberty 

For freedom You set me free 
And yes, I am free indeed 
You rewrote my name 
And shackled my shame 
You opened my eyes to see 
I am free 

The storm rolled in 
It was dark in the land 
As the Son of Man 
Was crucified 
You don't take His life 
He laid it down 
He paid the price 
And shed His blood 

It is done! 
The veil is torn 
He has won 
And I am free 
And I am free 
And I am free 
I am free 

For freedom You set me free 
And yes, I am free indeed 
You rewrote my name 
And shackled my shame 
You opened my eyes to see 

For freedom You set me free 
And yes, I am free indeed 
You rewrote my name 
And shackled my shame 
You opened my eyes to see 
I am free 

He's Always Been Faithful By Sara Groves

Morning by morning I wake up to find 
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine 
Season by season I watch Him, amazed 
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful to me. 

I can’t remember a trial or a pain 
He did not recycle to bring me gain 
I can’t remember one single regret 
In serving God only, and trusting His hand 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful to me. 

This is my anthem, this is my song 
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long 
God has been faithful, He will be again 
His loving compassion, it knows no end 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful 
He’s always been faithful to me.

What was Once a Memory...

(A paper I wrote about music and its importance to me...)
             Music is such an abstract word, used by so many people in infinite ways.  Music serves countless purposes including describing cultural divides, defining family and friendship bonds, getting parties started, resting, exercising, and aiding in religious services.  Of the five propositions of music including various aspects of the properties of music, sound and how it is organized, people giving meaning to music, intentions and perceptions, and how it is intrinsically based on the Western view of music, music’s most influential and important role is how sound is organized by people creating the music (Bakan, 3-6).

The most significant role I have had in the making of music in my lifetime was when I was in high school.  My identity was “choir kid.”  I went to a small, Christian, art and theatre high school in the west suburbs.  Everything that I did there had something to do with singing.  I was in two choirs (one mass choir and another small a cappella choir of twelve students), a worship team band (one at school and another at church), and was in all four musicals during my high school education.  I sing; it is what I do.

The proposition that I most identified with was the third: “Sounds are organized into music by people; thus, music is a form of humanly organized sound” (Bakan, 4).  Choir was an outlet for me to do what I love to do.  By the help of our choir director, our group of fifty to sixty students organized sound using the dynamics to emphasize certain phrases, dissonance, and harmony to show conflict and resolution.  When we discussed the translations of international pieces or the depth of certain poems that were put to music the sounds grew in meaning for my heart.  When we performed our songs I realized the importance of relaying the heart of the message to the audience, which did not have the time spent in class to hear about the impact the song had on us, by use of dynamics, dissonance, and harmony.

Because choir was a class in high school it was very important that we treated class as we would any other.  We were tested on our ability to memorize the music and were expected to appear professional during performances and class time.  This may have damaged my view of music.  I became callused by the formal display of music and how creatively stunting it can be, thus why I have not joined choir at UIC.  I enjoy the private, less pressurized, singing with a single instrument.  Choir also taught me what sounds “right” in music and what sounds “wrong.”  To appreciate music that is dissonant or unappealing to a choir audience is especially difficult for me.  I have been trained to know when a note is out of key; therefore music that displays such notes is rejected as beautiful.

I enjoyed singing songs from other cultures and in other languages.  The songs that were in different languages, including German, Italian, Spanish and others, were much harder to memorize.  However, those songs definitely helped me see into another country’s culture, thus proving how powerful music can be in the defining of cultural divides.  Though I have a hard time accepting some music as beautiful, all music has value.  These songs really broadened my view of music and have helped me see beyond myself.  I am a white, young, suburban, middle-class, American woman and student who refuses to be aware solely of herself and country.  I love to travel and experience how others do things.  But being trained in music the way I have been, might have affected my perception of other kinds of music negatively.

This summer I spent eight weeks in Uganda, living with a family and organization that houses street children while providing them food and education.  I experienced rich community and love.  The kids that I lived with were incredibly talented in nearly all things they attempted to do.  Church, on Sunday mornings, looks a lot different than a typical Christian service would here in the states.  Their “choir” was a massing of all the kids together to shout songs to God.   During these songs the children would dance using their entire bodies to praise God.  Rarely do we see this kind of display in the states, one that is undignified in almost every way.  Somehow, I found beauty in it.  They taught me a lot about how sound matters less than the heart of the music does.  If someone is singing to his or her Creator or loved one, it usually does not matter how “good” it sounds if someone can feel the passion in the demonstration.

All in all, music has various meanings and holds different weight for different people.  Learning how to sing with a big group of people was an invaluable lesson.  Choir taught me how to work in a group to prepare a piece of art that can be enjoyed by an even bigger group.  I learned about cultures outside of my own because of the various languages in which we sang.  I hope that my view of music continues to broaden from here, making what was once my identity merely a memory.

Works Cited

Bakan, Michael B. "What, in the World, Is Music?" World Music: Traditions and Transformations. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2012. Print.

Here, I place my stake.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks with freshmen move-in, the first two weeks of classes, and various other transitions and friendly gatherings.

But, today I submit to you (whoever is reading) that I yearn to be a woman of God, following after the heart of God-the One from whom I was made. It has been a roller coaster of a summer.  I have experienced joy, pain, exhaustion, fulfillment, the fruits of obedience and the frustrations of self-focus. However, I know that I have been bought with a price, and that price was steep and for my salvation and rescue. I want to be a woman that knows who she is: His.  Everything else can just follow after.

I need not, God will supply.  I have always felt entitled, and God always reminds me that I am not.  Everything that I have is because of Him: shelter, family, food, finances, community...  They are all blessings from the Lord.  I need not take them for granted, I need not hold them as my own, I need not trust my own strength.  I need not, God will supply.

100 miles. two days. my bike. fellowship.

Katie Davidson and I had a wacky idea to go to Lake Geneva on our bikes (yes, this has been done by others before and will probably be done again-I am not claiming originality in the idea, but it was my first time with this kind of distance).  Anyways, we trained a little bit, but I don't think it thoroughly prepared us for what was ahead.

Mind, body, soul.   These three things were not working together for me on the first day.  We got lost in Lake Geneva (which resulted in a long detour), I was exhausted, my butt hurt from the seat, my spirit was down,  and I was increasingly getting dehydrated.  The sun felt hotter and hotter on my back and pedaling felt worse and worse on my legs. But, in time we made it!  I was so happy to see "Comfort Suites" (the hotel we stayed at).  I started to doubt whether or not I would be able to make it the next day. I made plans in my head about how I was going to get home without riding... there weren't many options.  I knew I would be so mad at myself if I decided not to go,  but I was so weak.  Soon, Katie O'Dowd drove up with all of our stuff, and the three of us toured around Lake Geneva together.  KO took care of me, as I certainly was dehydrated and hungry (THANKS KATIE!!).  We enjoyed a pizza dinner and walked around Lake Geneva's downtown area at sunset.  These friends are good ones, ones I will keep forever.  I bought ice cream (DUH), and we all enjoyed a late night hot tub at the hotel.  It was a girly night, filled with a lot of laughter.  Around 10:30pm KD and I were exhausted and fell asleep.

In the morning I was energized by the night's rest and by the food I ate at dinner.  I was ready.  I wanted to finish what I started.  I had a big breakfast (something I forgot was important day one), I was pumped, excited, and positive.  The positivity remained (which surprised me).  I prayed a lot today that God would give me strength, energy, and help me enjoy the next hours on my bike.  The time went by so quickly.  We rode super fast and cut off almost an hour and a half of our previous time (mostly because we didn't get lost). We made it from the hotel to Elgin in 4 hrs and 45 mins (including breaks). Bam! I was so proud and happy to be done.

I encourage you to do something you don't think you can. Pray. And, watch God come through for you.

(For those of you that were wondering... Katie Davidson kicked my butt. She could have made it in 3 1/2- 4 hrs, but like everything it's good to enjoy things in community. She's a trooper.)

i dont have to stay on this roller coaster

http://missiodeichicago.com/mp3s/RJ.5.1.2011.Gospel.vs.Religion.mp3

STOP

Everyone, STOP!  Wait one second. I don't know about you, but I assume that along with me, you are being carried away by life's chaos to the point that it's hard to just stop and enjoy a moment without thinking about the next.  I have been so blinded by my own problems and the negative things that are going on in my life, that it is hard for me to see beyond them.

After I left my grandma's house this evening, the sky started to pour down rain and lightening flooded my field of vision.  It was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life driving with the windows rolled down while belting JJ Heller ballads at the top of my lungs.  Rain flooded my windshield making it almost impossible to see the lines in the road, but soon I could see clearly what God was showing me.  I cannot let circumstances, like a downpour, blind my eyes.  I need to see past the rain, or sorrow, and truly believe the sun comes up again.  I may feel the weight of a downpour or the frustration when light(ening) reveals some darkness within, but I will boast about my weakness so that His power will be made perfect.

Storms help me see a lot of things about life that I forget when the sun is shining.

Providentially, this song by JJ Heller played on my drive BACK HOME:
Don't let your eyes get used to darkness
The light is coming soon
Don't let your heart get used to sadness
Put your hope in what is true

No matter how the wind may blow
It cannot shake the sun
Lay your sorrows on the ground
It's time to come back home

When the future seems uncertain
Like the coming of a storm
Your loving Father carries his children
When they can't walk anymore

No matter how the wind may blow
It cannot shake the sun
Lay your sorrows on the ground
It's time to come back home

Oh, back home...
Oh, back home...
Oh, back home...
Oh...

The Hangover...

           No, I didn’t get drunk last night, and I am not feeling a real hangover… but I am just feeling the lull after the high of being in Uganda.  I have been home for about ten days now and it has finally hit me.  The first five or six days were just peachy.  I was embraced by my friends and family, which I had missed while I was gone, but the honeymoon phase is now over.  I really hope nobody is offended by the words I have to say here… I am just choosing to be very honest about how I am feeling.  I know the way I am feeling is probably normal, but I do feel so crazy.

            I am back.  It is surreal.  A great Ugandan family loved me, I loved my life there, and I knew purpose and peace.  Here, I am confused.  Confused about “home,” confused about purpose, and not experiencing much peace at all.  I feel weighted down by the pulls of the busy American lifestyle and overwhelmed by the amount of money I have already spent.  I feel stuck in my own head.

            My normal life will be starting soon.  After the next two weeks of mini trips and catching up with people, I will be moving back to school for RA training.  I am looking forward to a normal schedule and some consistency.  I think this limbo period rocks my boat a little bit.  I will enjoy the familiar room, city, and people.  BUT, I want this purpose back.  I want peace back.  I don’t want to feel confused or overwhelmed.  Jesus is the Prince of Peace and His peace surpasses our understanding. 

            My life in Uganda was simple.  My purpose was simple.  Everything I did was simple. Here things feel more complicated then they ever need to be.  Being busy is a choice, and I know that I have made that choice willingly.  But I think the problem is I got used to not being busy and living a really focused and disciplined life.  As of now, my life feels like it is spiraling out of control. I am moody, impatient, tired, and just very up and down emotionally. But, my purpose is clear: love God and love people.  I need to take every opportunity and chance to exhibit these things. It’s hard, and sometimes I want to throw myself a pity party for the things that I am feeling (exhibit a: this very post) but the reality is, God has GREAT things for me (and you) we just have to trust Him.   

            So, I guess writing this post really helped me see past myself, my insecurities, and my insufficiencies.  I can instead look to the Lord, love, and beauty.  I want to take advantage of the small things (something a Dove chocolate saying reminded me of this week).  Nothing is small, everything is an opportunity to love.  In my weakness, He is strong.  So, I can tell you that I am sinful and selfish, but in Christ I am a saint.  How? Grace. 

Pictures!

I know I failed miserably at adding pictures to my blog posts... but now there are 200 (out of almost 1,400) uploaded on facebook. Here's the link if you would like to check them out: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2081173586337.2112815.1154970164

Honey, I'm home?

I write this sitting in the house I grew up in.  Relfecting on the memories that were made within this house and outside.

Last Thursday, as you know, I said goodbye to the JOAC house.  Saying goodbye was so weird and felt surreal until I was actually leaving the compound. On the bumpy bus ride to Kampala I wrote a note to each member of the house to remember me by and to be encouraged by. I love those kids so much, and it saddens me to even think that right now they would be coming home from school and I would be greeting them at the gate. When we reached Kampala Simon, the brother of my friend Deo, picked me up from a grocery store called Shop Rite.  We had some great conversations on the way to Come Let's Dance.  CLD was filled with smiling faces and very kind people.  I was SO happy to see Resty, the cook, and it was really fun cooking with her during the days I was there.

On Friday, Kate (one of the interns) toured me around showing me all the new things CLD was up to.  They have just built a school, and it looks incredible and is doing very well.  I saw Sanyu, a girl that I spent all my time with at the orphange two years ago, and the same girl that I taught how to say, "Oh my gosh" to during my first trip to Uganda. It was beautiful to see her grown up and to compare her to the littler verisons of herself.

On Saturday, we had an all day medical outreach in Katanga Slum, a slum that I spent most of my time two years ago.  I saw some familiar faces and the slum really hadn't changed in appearance at all. At night I went out with my friend Rachel for dinner in town.  We got "Chicken Tonight": a fried chicken and chips place.  I was sick afterwards, but it was so worth it. Ha!

Sunday I got to go to Light the World church and see all my old friends.  It was a joyous reunion. Monday marked my last full day in Uganda.  It was mostly uneventful as I packed and got my things together and ready to leave.  I helped Resty cook; she said I had really become African when I was in Mbarara. I'm proud of that ;)

Tuesday morning I woke up really early and was picked up by CLD's taxi driver, Emma (Emmanuel).  He is as sweet man that speaks very little English, but was my driver for years. When I boarded the plan I was greeted by a cute three year old boy and his grandma. He got comfortable with me right away.  He used me as a punching bag for some part of the flight. Ha! It didn't bother me, but I think the grandmother was embarrased at his behavior. When I got checked in the hotel in London I felt some culture shock.  I was alone in a super rich place.  It dawned on me that I would much rather be poor and loved than rich and alone.  I took a hot shower and fell asleep almost immediately after my head hit the pillow.

Wednesday morning I left London for Chicago.  At this point I was very ansy to get home.  I had already been out of Uganda so long, I just felt like I was in limbo. The flight seemed long, but once I was off the duration didn't feel overwhelming dreadful.  I got through customs quickly and retrieved my bag.  My dad picked me up from the airport, and it was SO good to see him! I love him. He's my daddy :) I went to my grandma's house after picking my car up from my dad's store. I hung out with her and my uncle for the rest of the afternoon.  At around 6:30pm I headed home to get ready for the party Katie planned for my homecoming.  People, I have the best friends and community in the world.  Yes, it's super weird to be home and I am feeling all sorts of uneasiness and confusion, but I am surrounded by incredible people that make all of those things seem small in comparison to their love for me. We talked, I showed pictures from my trip, and even let them try the tea I brought back from Rwanda.

I am EXTREMELY jet lagged.  I didnt fall asleep until 6:30am (after taking sleeping pills).  I am super tired, but I just have to hold out to sleep until tonight and I think I will be back to normal.  Please pray that my sleeping habbits will adjust quickly. 

Well, that just about brings my eight weeks to a close.  Thank you for reading my blog even though it was long.  It means SO much to me that people have read these and have prayed for me through it all. 

I think I might keep this blog alive.  I may not update it as frequently, but maybe if I get a revelation any time in the near future I will share it publically here. Who knows?

See you someday, JOAC!

Sunday morning Joy of a Child enjoyed a great breakfast of mandazi and tea. At breakfast I asked who was going to be sharing for our service, and David responded, "You!" I wasn't surprised as it is my last Sunday here, but it still made me laugh.  I went to my room and asked God, "Lord, what should I talk about?" And he responded, "Encourage them as they have encouraged you." So I opened the Bible to Ephesians and picked out some verses to encourage them with.  I also wrote down some things that I have learned from them since I have been there to accurately describe the kind of lifelong blessing they have all been to my life. As the service began, Patrick reminded me that I was supposed to help lead worship.  Worship is much different here than in the states... so I was really nervous.  I made a fool of myself, but at least a fool for Christ. All the kids will deny that, but I messed up a lot, but they're gracious so I got over the embarassment quickly.  Every service there is also a Sunday school lesson that one of the kids prepare.  This week it was Junior's turn.  He shared his testimony, and it was really emotional. He said one day he saw a man killed in an alley, and went home to his mom to report it.  With tears in his eyes, he repeated his mom's response of, "I wish you had been the one to be killed."  Can you imagine the damage to that little soul? It was that VERY week that David found him and provided him with clothes, food, and a place to live.  How amazing? He shared a verse that says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight" (Prov. 3:5-6). What a testimony! I was blown away by the maturity in his voice and the hope he brought to the people at church.  After that, David shared that it was my last Sunday at JOAC children's Church.  He began to talk about how I had been a blessing to their home, and I began to weep.  They have been a blessing to me! I felt so encouraged, but also torn up because of the pain I felt about leaving so soon.  It's going to be hard, but I believe God will give me the grace to endure. I shared about how JOAC has taught me what love means, how to be thankful, and to value each moment without thinking of the next (I still struggle with these things, but I definitely feel like they have given me a great example of how to better implement these practices in my life). After church, we enjoyed the hot sun with water gun tag, dancing, and loud music.  Shivan brought out her suitcase of clothes and began passing them out to Afusa and another little girl that joined us for the morning service. It was so sweet; she was such a cheerful giver, and rejoiced when things fit her friends. After dinner, I led a drumming excersize using the kitchen table as our instrument.  We all laughed a lot and made a ton of noise.  I enjoyed it so much; I could never grow old of the smiling faces of these little ones. Every Sunday we go around and talk about what we learned at church, and it was so encouraging to witness the boys talking about how Junior's testimony touched and blessed them.  David, Esther, and Joseph talked about my testimony, and really encouraged me.  Esther said that I have been a blessing to their home and God has really used me.  I have learned, since I have been here, that words of affirmation mean a lot more to me than I ever thought.  I was so blessed by her words. 

Monday I woke up to a gift from Esther.  She is an incredibly talented craft-maker. She presented me with a really elegant ivory bracelet with many layers.  It's beautiful.  Then (AND HERE IS THE GREAT NEWS) I was able to tell Ruth that I have enough money left over to send her to school!  So, donors: THANK YOU!!! You have blessed me, and you have blessed this young woman.  She is SO excited to go to school, and wrote me and David a letter saying, "I will do well in school because I will be going in the name of God."  I am so impressed by her, and I cannot wait to see what is in store for her future.  Right now, I have committed to sending her to finish primary school, but Lord willing I can see her to the finish of Secondary so she can move on to be a teacher, like she hopes.  She is so bright, and I am so thankful that I can be a part of her life-not just for a summer, but hopefully for a lifetime.  We went to town afterwards because I had to do some errands (run to the bank, buy some gifts and tea, and get soda with Danelle to celebrate the 4th of July together). I told Esther I wanted to buy her a phone and she was so appreciative, that when we reached her store she gave me ANOTHER bracelet.  I love them both, but this one is special because it reminds me of a bracelet my mom wore. She also took me to a seamtress to get fitted for a real African dress.  It is supposed to be ready Tuesday, so I am really looking forward to seeing it! We returned back to the JOAC house for lunch and our Bible study.  I have really enjoyed studying the book of John because over and over we are reminded that believing in TRUTH will set us free and bring eternal life.  I think the girls have really grasped this concept, and that is worthwhile to me. After our study the boys started trickling in, and Ruth began to bang on the drum and lead us in some songs and dances. It's such a joy for me to watch the kids enjoying the drum. Then we had dinner, and then I led a Bible study because David said, "We want to get everything from you before you leave." I don't feel like I have much to offer, even in the final days, but somehow God always shows up in those moments.  I shared from Philippians 4:4-9, which without knowing is the theme verse of JOAC.  When I found out, the verses became even more powerful and important to me.  "Always be full of joy-again I say it rejoice." I love that.  The rest of the passage talks about how to experience peace we need to pray about everything and fix our thoughts on good things.  I taught them the song "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." The words to that song are extremely powerful to me, and have really helped me see how small I am, and how great our God is. 

Tuesday was Danelle's orientation day and my day to fufill a promise I made to Patrick to visit his school.  We toured around to all the schools that have at least one representative of the Joy of a Child family. The boys felt cool because they got visitors during a normal school day. We did find out though that Shiba had not been attending classes lately.  Instead she was sent to "dig" (farm) for her mother so they could eat.  Her teachers became fed up with her absences and asked for David to come to the school for a visit. At first Shiba wasn't there, and we all talked about an intervention.  We have offered her a place to stay, with food, childcare, and safety, but she chose to move back in with her mother who is an abusive drunk.  (Very) long story short, we finally got Shiba in a meeting with her teachers and I told her the truth about her mom and about the incredible opportunity she has at Joy of a Child to go to school and to feel confident that her child, Kamari, is safe in a loving home while she is learning. That night Shiba and Kamari were safe in their beds at the JOAC house! Praise God.  Her mom is very angry, but unfortunately she will have to live with the consequences of her actions.  She somehow has money to feed her habbit, but doesn't have money for food? It's hard to have patience with people that squander their child's opportunity for success because of selfishness.  When we went to get Shiba from her home I told her mom some of those things, and I told her that I hope she can one day be happy for her daughter. I prayed over her and I truly do wish her the best. When we visited St. Agnes I was able to properly say farewell to Teacher Agatha, the baby class teacher that I worked with. She was absent my last day at St. Agnes because she was at the hospital getting an immunization for her newborn.  She had new hair and a new smile.  It was really great to see her one more time. 

Wednesday is my last full day at the JOAC house. I can't believe this day has actually arrived.  I feel like the last 7 1/2 weeks have gone by so quickly.  I have been so blessed in this home and I have been loved so well.  Today I really wanted to spend the whole day at the house.  I did not want to do any running around; I just wanted to enjoy the compound and the family one more time. The ladies and I went for a run and Ruth and I washed some of my clothes.  Then we all just hung around and waited for the children to come home for lunch.  After lunch, Danelle and I took the girls to Enciche for an afternoon snack (Mandazi and soda). It was such a blessed afternoon with them.  They are such thankful young woman, and I am so glad that I know them and that they have allowed me to be a part of their lives. On the way, we bumped into Shiba's mom outside of a bar.  She turned away from us and hid the alcohol she was drinking under her shirt.  We walked with her to Enciche, and she told us many lies and tried to manipulate me.  I bought her a couple mandazis and told her to go home.  I wanted this time to be for me and the girls.  We all got a mandazi and soda and enjoyed the time spent together.  It was so important for me to find ways to be with them each individually but also make sure I made enough time for them as a group.  We walked back, hand in hand, while laughing and feeling the hot sun warm our bodies.  Soon after it was time to get ready for the big party that evening.  I put on the BEAUTIFUL dress that David and Esther bought me (and had taylored to fit my body exactly), while everyone else ran around getting the house fixed up and the food cooked.  Danelle bought chicken for everyone, I bought icecream, and David and Esther prepared everything else including a lot of food and big cake.  We celebrated Junior and Joshua's birthdays, and the party doubled as a farewell to me.  They blessed me and even mentioned my name on the cake.  They prayed over all three of us, and then we finished the feast and party with dancing for hours.  Though it was a school night the kids had a lot of energy, much more than I have left. I have been dreading this day for days, but I believe God has prepared me throughly for this moment (thank you to those of you that prayed for me).  I am excited for what is ahead, though sad to leave this place, I know God has a plan for my life and future. And, I know I will be back, so that brings some own comfort. 


Thursday: I am about to leave the Joy of a Child household to spend a few days at CLD in Nansana.  I walked each child to the gate and said goodbye this morning.  It feels surreal, but my bags are packed and we are about to jump in the car to catch a bus. I believe God has been preparing my heart to say goodbye...

Rwanda: a country with history and hope

Tuesday, June 28^th we left Mbarara for a wild adventure in Kigali, Rwanda. Kigali is the capital city of Rwanda.  It is lush, clean, and “organized” as Esther continues to convince us of her home.  Traveling and being in Rwanda has been a precious time for me to get to know Danelle, and when two people experience a new place together they are immediately bonded. We ate lunch in Kabale, Uganda (a town near the southern tip of Uganda) before heading to the border.  The border was an interesting experience, almost comparable to my experience entering Haiti from the DR (but not as long, thankfully). The drive was peaceful, with baby Daniel asleep on my lap for most of the journey and beautiful rolling hills in the background.  After many hours in the car, we arrived in Kigali.  Kigali is gorgeous, filled with history, and hope. Every few minutes there were signs reminding people of the genocide, it would be incredibly hard to forget the atrocities that happened here seventeen years ago. We arrived at our Rwandan home to smiling faces and helpful hands as we got stuck in mud on the way up their driveway.  We stayed with Esther’s cousin and her family.  Her husband, Joseph is a pastor, and he and his wife Agnes have two little kids.  The little girl was completely afraid of me, and wouldn’t step anywhere near me, but the little boy was eager to get to know me and impress me with all the English he has learned in Baby class. They have blessed us with immense hospitality and love.  The food in Rwanda was INCREDIBLE and they served us tea at almost every meal.

Wednesday we woke up, and watched Indescribable, a sermon by Louis Giglio (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn2dPZDMOWA).  It was powerful for me to remember grace.  I like to talk about grace to others, but sometimes when it comes down to accepting it I forget it’s for me too. Louis reminded me of that, and it was a welcomed reminder as I have been learning a lot about myself and my need for Christ. At breakfast, Danelle and I asked Joseph a bunch of questions about the genocide, his experiences, and thoughts about it.  His story was a great prelude to the day to come.  He told us that the Tutsi people were called “cockroaches” so that the world wouldn’t know that the Hutu had planned to kill people instead of bugs. How degrading. He told us that everything that we saw in Kigali was built in the last 10-13 years because the genocide tore everything apart.  The genocide lasted 100 days and killed more than a million people. I couldn’t believe it.  It was so humbling to be in a place with people that have experienced such pain and choose to continue on.  After our breakfast chat, we went to the largest genocide memorial in Kigali.  There we learned all the history having to do with the genocide.  I learned that I really didn’t know anything compared to what there is to know about it.  It was so amazing learning about the genocide in the very place it had happened. I took a lot of notes in the museum, and I am thankful for the new knowledge that I have.  After the information section there was a reflection room filled with pictures of people that died in the genocide.  There was photo after photo.  It was hard looking in the eyes of people that had been brutally killed and taken from their friends and family.  The next room had four or five glass display boxes with skulls and leg and arm bones.  This is where it got real for me.  I began to weep.  I felt really connected to Esther and her pain, as her parents were killed in the genocide.  It’s hard for anyone to go back and relive the pain they have experienced in the past.  After walking through the gardens outside of the museum, we returned back to the house for a women’s outreach.  I shared what I have previously shared about “Living in Love with Jesus.”  The women seemed really encouraged.  After our meeting with them, we all went to YWAM-Rwanda to visit some of Esther and David’s friends.  I might do a DTS in YWAM, why not? Maybe someday! David, Esther, and my friend Catherine talk so highly of YWAM.  There was a lot of love and support in the YWAM compound. We returned home for dinner and an evening cup of tea before bed. 

Thursday we woke up and got prepared for a secondary school outreach.  David shared his testimony, and Danelle and I shared after him.  Thirteen boys received Christ as their Savior! We went back to Joseph and Agnes’ for lunch before shopping in Kigali.  While shopping, I bought a drum for the JOAC Childrens’ Church!  I cannot wait to present it to JOAC family when we get back to Mbarara. Danelle and I heard about how Joseph met his wife, and it was a really sweet story!  He tells stories with such passion and detail, and we were really glad to hear about his love for his wife and family.  Agnes and Joseph are incredible parents and have shown us great love and hospitality. We came back to the house and had an amazing meal with fellowship and joy.  Danelle and I have had a lot of time together to laugh (and laugh hard), connect, and grow deeper in our new friendship.  We have promised to invite each other to our future weddings.  I look forward to those parties! 

Friday we spent most of the day at Joseph and Agnes' sweet home getting to know them better, reflecting, resting, and catching up on emails.  Danelle and I took Gwiza and Enocat (their children) for a walk.  It was really peaceful, and Gwiza who was scared to death of me finally held my hand!  It was quite the feat :)  Danelle and I got a lot of quality time together this day, we had girl talk, and shared bits of our stories.  We laughed a lot, and I am really going to miss her when I go.

Saturday morning we left around 7am Uganda time (6am Rwanda). We visited the house Esther grew up in, her aunt, and heard a lot of genocide stories.  If you don't know, the genocide in Rwanda was incredible violent, and the stories are horrific.  But, it was beautiful to hear Esther hope for redemption, reconciliation, and the testimony of God's goodness even through it all.  That's powerful! We reached the border, and thankfully it was a shorter process than the first border.  We took a different route home, so we could visit Esther's family, and also see a different part of Rwanda. One of the security guards didn't believe that Daniel was Esther's son, so we did an experiment.  Daniel would not go to the security guard, but gladly leaped (as well as 8 month olds can) into the arms of his mama.  It was so sweet and adorable.  We ate lunch, and then finished our trek to Mbarara. 

When we arrived, David honked the horn and I yelled, "FAMILY!" out the window.  In the distance I heard the screams and squeals of the JOAC children appreciating our arrival.  We pulled in the compound, David drove the car around to make the kids laugh, and then we jumped out to their hugs and greetings.  It was a beautiful reunion, that I waited long enough for! I made a great announcement, "Joy of a Child Children's Church now has a drum!"  All the kids were so grateful and really excited to start beating it.  They quickly asked me if we were going to go for a run, as that is the usual Saturday routine.  I was glad they asked, because if they hadn't I might have come up with an excuse as why not to. So, we went for a run, and then I passed out the bracelets I bought for each child in Rwanda. They looked "smart" (the word used when someone looks very good and presentable). Then it was about nap time, and Afusa was refusing to go to bed to take a nap, so she ended up falling asleep with her head on my thigh... my life is awesome. Later I was talking with Davin and Patrick, and the conversation of my leaving came up (one I dread and try to avoid).  Davin thought I wanted to leave, and I quickly corrected him.  Patrick, one of the the most mature boys I have ever known, simply said, "God's plan."  It was encouraging even to me, because sometimes I forget why I am leaving.  God's plan.  It's going to be hard to say goodbye (because it's hard even talking about leaving) but it is God's plan. At dinner I announced we are going to have a birthday party for Joshua and Junior on Wednesday night! The kids sounded really enthusiastic about that.  Afterwards, I gave each child a kitkat bar! It was so fun to watch them enjoy chocolate from the states; I took a lot of photos of that celebration.  Afterwards we had our typical dance party.  Everyone brought their best moves, and it came down to me and Danelle in the final two, and again she won! I have been upstaged :) hahaha. It was really enjoyable.  Then Davin led the JOAC family in some comedic skits.  He is so creative and really funny.  Danelle and I laughed so much. 

I am leaving JOAC in four days.  Then I am off to Come Let's Dance to visit some old friends for four days, and then back to the states.  When put that way it seems really close... I just pray that God uses my last week here for His glory alone. I had previously mentioned that we would be visiting an institute called New Hope, but that fell through because it's going to be a busy time for them as they have a term of classes starting this week. 

Happy Fourth of July weekend, everyone!!

Danelle and Chocolate Have Arrived :)

For starters, I am sorry for not writing in over a week.  I have been very busy with fun things and traveling to Rwanda, so life has been slightly hectic with little internet connection.  Thursday, June 23^rd, we went to Entebbe to pick up Danelle from the airport!  We visited with Joseph’s best friend, Thanx, and spent some time in Kampala city running errands.  We found a great hostel for a great price.  I went for a run, which was really fun and peaceful for me.  While on my run, I met a little girl named Peace and her sister, Faith.  Peace was so funny, she asked me for my email address because she wanted to see if I could find her sponsors in America to go to school.  She was extremely bright and showed off her school notebooks so I could see her grades.  I asked her why she had an email address and she said that her school required one because they correspond with students that way sometimes.  I was impressed.  After that sweet little encounter I took a hot shower (YES!) while we waited for Danelle’s arrival time.  David and I ate some dinner and then headed to the airport, while we were waiting, I met these two American guys with two little Ugandans.  One of them was mute and deaf, and the other was her little brother.  I asked what they were doing at the airport, and one of the guys named Alex said, “We are here to pick up their adoptive parents.  This is the first time the kids will see them in person!”  I started to tear up, I couldn’t believe what I was about to witness.  The kids and the new family have skyped to get to know each other, but this would be their first real meeting.  When the family came through the little ones ran to their new family, and it was one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever witnessed.  The mother picked up the little girl and began to use sign language to communicate with her.  She probably spent the last 5 months learning as much as she could to be able to speak with her new child as soon as possible.  It was so sweet, and the family was so happy.  I will pray for them, they will endure challenges, but I believe that God will give them the grace to persevere.  Soon after Danelle arrived, and that was also a happy moment! She has 36 kitkats, 60 chewy bars, 3 hersey bars, and letters from my community at New Hope! I was so blessed by the letters (AND THE CHOCOLATE!!!). It was really nice to hear from home and to welcome Danelle to a place I love so much.

Friday: We had breakfast at the hostel, and then began the long journey back to Mbarara. Danelle got to know David and the ministry pretty well on the way there, and we both started getting really excited to get to the JOAC house.  (I really missed it, and I was gone two days… what am I going to do when I leave Mbarara in less than week for a longer period of time?) We finally arrived at the house and were greeted by some of the kids, but we got back before all of them returned from school.  They trickled into the compound one by one or two by two, and I was so happy to see them.  Danelle has been so fun to have here, I have really enjoyed getting to know her, she is one of the nicest people I have ever known.  I have really wanted to take the house out for a big swimming extravaganza, so Danelle and I announced we were going to take everyone swimming the next day.

Saturday started with the usual morning run.  Soon after, we all piled into the car and headed to “Big Fun!” and what great fun it was!  Some had never been so a pool before, so that was really fun to witness. The sun was warm, and the pool was cool and refreshing.  I shared the chewy bars with the kids, and Danelle shared her bananas (that David and Esther gave her as a gift upon her arrival) as an afternoon snack.  We returned and everyone was exhausted.  We made memories together that I will never forget. Later that evening, we had a dance competition, and after my two week winning streak Danelle took the win.  It was really fun, and we all laughed a lot.

Sunday: Sunday began with church, Danelle preached about transforming the world instead of letting the world transform you. We ate lunch, and then played soccer with the boys and danced with the girls.  It was a joyous day at the JOAC compound.

Monday: This morning I went for a run, and then went to the well to fetch water to wash my clothes and to shower.  A lady has forbidden the boys to fetch water at her well, so it was going to be tricky to find another well nearby.  As we (me, Moreen, and Ruth) were walking a kind man invited us to take from his well and his water was really clean and greatly appreciated! May God bless him and his generosity. Ruth helped me wash my clothes when we got back (I have been so thankful for her, she has helped me wash my clothes every time I have needed to).  We ate lunch, and then we had our Bible study.  After our Bible study, Danelle and I prepared to give the girls manicures and pedicures. It was a really blessed event, we washed their feet and hands, manicured them, and painted them.  It was fun girl time, and I think the reality of leaving has really set in, so things like this are extremely precious to me. Then Danelle and I packed and got ready for Rwanda!!!!

(more on Rwanda to come)

Goodbye St. Agnes... (and many other things... I just couldn't come up with a catchy title)

Saturday: Today I went to St. Agnes’ Parent Teacher Association (PTA) meeting.  I certainly stood out, and was publically thanked for the work I am doing with the children (which in all honesty could barely be called “work”).  They invited me to give a speech, as well.  If you remember, in my last post I mentioned that it is common to be put on the spot publically, this was no different.  I thanked the teachers for their work, I thanked the administration for allowing me the opportunity, and I thanked the parents for sending their kids to school.  Education is a blessing that I have taken for granted.  I talked a little bit about Joy of a Child, and then invited David to talk about JOAC more.  When we arrived back the house I had the urge to do something out of the ordinary, so I invited Patrick (one of the JOAC boys) to go to Enciche with me to buy chapatti flour.  Chapatti is comparable to Indian bread called Naan.  It was fun to talk to Patrick about his life and treat him to a “sweetie” of his choice.  Brian and I made the chapatti together, once we arrived at the house.  It was a nice treat, and was enjoyed by all… especially me. Kamari, Shiba’s son, and I have a little feud.  I have reported him in “Family Court” for crying every time he sees me (obviously, this is a joke), but today was the first time in almost 5 weeks that he let me hold him without bawling his eyes out!  David took a picture so I would remember the moment forever. Ha.  I think we will end up being really good friends, a person cannot have enough 1 ½ year old friendsJ. After dinner, we had another dance competition and Davin directed a skit to end the evening.  I love playing, dancing, and singing with these children.  They are brilliant, talented, and they have bright futures ahead.

Sunday: Today I woke up with a little sinus flu.  I have been sneezing all day and I have a sore throat.  I am also missing my dad, as it is Father’s Day!  Happy Father’s Dad, Dado.  You are incredible, and I am so thankful to God that He made me your daughter.  You have raised me practically on your own, and you deserve to be publically affirmed for that feat. I love you more than you know, and I appreciate your love and support in all things I do.  I wish you were here with me today.  Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there! Fathers play such an important role in the development of their children, sometimes that is so overlooked.  So thank you.  We had church here on the lawn complete with performances by the children and another sermon by yours truly.  After church, we finished off the chapatti flour, and then I helped Ruth, Moreen, and Brian remove the beans from their pods.  As is standard for every Sunday night, the children go around talking about what they learned in church. Ruth had memorized John 3:16 IN ENGLISH and recited it for the whole family.  I teared up.  I am so proud of this young woman.  She is so eager to learn, and it breaks my heart that she hasn’t had the opportunity to finish primary school... yet. 

Monday: I woke up still pretty sick.  The sinus bug has gotten worse, so working at St. Agnes was really hard because I was very drowsy.  I announced it would be my second to last time volunteering with them, so Barnabas (the Head Teacher) asked if I would talk to the director of the school.  She and I sat together and chatted for awhile, but I didn’t really have much time.  When I arrived back at the house I was exhausted.  I ate lunch, and then went into the girls’ room and they were resting, so I rested with them. We had our Bible study, and then Ruth and I took a nap (a real one).  For those of you who know me, it is VERY unusual that I am able to take a nap, so as you can imagine I was really tired.  I woke up feeling still very sick and drowsy.  Before I told David and Esther, Shivan crawled into my lap and just rested her head on my shoulder.  I began to tear up again… what am I going to do when a little girl doesn’t come with arms open wanted to be held?  The reality of leaving has finally started to hit (as I have one week left in this house). Esther and David, along with Joseph, took me to town and treated me to oranges, apples, garlic, organic-made in Uganda honey, chapatti, and popcorn as a snack.  I am so humbled by their generosity.   We were in the middle of the bustling town when I began to cry again.  When we got home, Joseph mixed boiled water, crushed oranges, and raw garlic into a tea-like substance.  It was strong, but it definitely improved my health. I was so thankful for their support.

Tuesday: I woke up feeling much better.  I am still not 100%, but I hope to be by tomorrow for my last day at the school.  Today I took Kakuru out into town to hang out with her one on one.  I asked her if she wanted soda, she said, “No.” I asked her if she wanted juice, she said, “Yes.” “What kind? Splash?” “No.” “Ribena (black current juice-my favorite when I’m here)?” “No” “What then?” “Safi.” So we went around looking for Safi, and finally found some.  We got popcorn, and then sat down in a shop after I purchased Ribena for myself.  I asked her, “Do you want chocolate?” and typically the answer to this question is always, “YES!!!” but she said, “No.” Ha! I was delighted by her honesty.  I asked, “What do you want?” She responded, “Cake.”  So, I got some cake.  Kakuru speaks very little English, but touch goes a far way.  We walked through town hand in hand, mostly silent.  Every once in a while she would say a phrase in English that she had likely spent the last five silent minutes forming.  One of them was, “Auntie, thank you for buying anything. God bless you.”  It was so sweet.  Later in the day, Joseph taught the ladies some English, explaining the difference between “I, we, they, you...” When the kids got home and changed into their house attire, Davin casually asked me, “Do you know China?” I said, “I know it’s a country, but I have never been there.”  He said, “They make everything!” Kids say the funniest things. To kick my cold to the curb, David and Esther took me to Enciche and bought me a bunch of fruits and vegetables that soon turned into a lovely salad made by Esther.  I drove the car back, which was quite an experience.  I have never driven a car with the steering wheel on the right side.  It was a trip.

Wednesday: Today was my last day in the school.  I traded information with a lot of the teachers, and got a lot of great feedback and encouragement from my time there.  They held an impromptu assembly before lunch to send me off.  The kids performed, and I prayed for their futures and the school. It was a nice way to say goodbye. The ladies and I studied John 5, and then I spent some time playing the guitar. The afternoon has been pretty low-key.  I am REALLY excited to see Danelle tomorrow.

Hanging out with David and Esther’s seven month old son everyday is pretty great… except I am his favorite to “susu” (pee) on. 

Upcoming:

Thursday: Joseph, David, and I are going to Kampala/Entebbe to pick DANELLE up from the airport!! I am so excited for her coming. 

June 28-July2nd: RWANDA!

July 3^rd or 4^th-6^th: New Hope Institute

July 6^th or 7^th-12^th: Come Let’s Dance to see friends and visit the Kids’ House.

July 12^th-13^th: Traveling home. It seems too soon…