The Natural Ups and Downs of Life (edited)

I have fallen in love with the kids in this home.  They are incredible.  They have loved me and welcomed me so well.  Maybe you’re getting tired of hearing this? But, it is true.  Talk of me leaving (in 5 more weeks) has started and my heart is breaking.  I start to wonder, “Oh no, I have made these connections and then I am going to have to leave them.”  How am I going to do this? What is going to happen to them when I leave? They have really attached to me, especially the littlest one Afusa.  I begin to wonder if my being here is going to do more harm because I will have to leave. Then a song by Jars of Clay came on called “Show You Love.”  It encouraged me that love is a risk, but a risk worth taking.  It is our joy as people to love each other and one another.  Our deepest sorrows come from loving someone and losing them, but our sorrow is never wasted.  Love true is hard, but it is good.  So I will continue on. (look up the lyrics to that song… it’s really good)

This week loneliness ensued.  We need people, we need community.  I have left my home and community and come to a faraway place.  I have started to feel physically disconnected from my friends, family, and the feeling of being known in a place.  I have gained new friends and family, but I have started to ache a bit for home.  I want to go to Nana’s with Katie D, I want to swim in the O’Dowd’s pool, I want to have coffee dates with my high school friends, I want to stay up late with Marybeth talking about the world, it’s problems, and how we should fix them, I want to go to Chili’s for dinner with my Dad, I want to replay the Saturday Night reunion at the Pahl’s house.  Once my daydreaming stopped I realized well, even though I may want these things today I am here.  And I am very glad I am here, do not get me wrong.  But the reality of being separated from the things I know has hit this week.

Last night we had a time of musical worship.  God reminded me that He is enough.  I do not need to desire any other besides Him.  He wants to bless me and only give me good things.  Though it may be hard to believe sometimes, and His plan is hard to understand, He is always good.  I was comforted by His hand over my life, and a renewed sense of Joy came over me.  This morning I woke up because the boys were singing songs outside my window.  I looked at the clock and it was 7:45am.  I wondered, “Gosh! Why aren’t they on their way to school?” I came out, and Davin informed me it is a national holiday called “Martyr’s Day.” They get the day off! Once I admitted my loneliness to the Lord, He gave me (and them) a holiday to enjoy one another.  I love when I know the boys are learning, but it makes me sad when they are not here during the day.  God wants to extend only blessings on His children.  I woke up with this as a fresh reminder of his morning mercies.  (Martyr's Day is awesome... look that up too)

Today has been incredibly encouraging.  The girls have watched me go for a couple of runs on the compound and asked if they could go on my next run (which happened to be today).  Of course I agreed.  But it was the holiday, so it was not just us.  We had a huge family run! It was so funny.  Everyone ran.  I loved it! I was able to talk to Orion today as well, because it is his birthday, and it was SO good to hear a familiar voice from home.  After that I cleaned up and did gymnastics with the boys.  We were doing flip flops, round offs, cartwheels, and I was showing off my coolest tricks (the worm and the human jump rope).  They were amazed, but I was impressed by their tricks, because they are much better than mine-believe me.  After lunch, we made some plans to go to Rwanda, Bushenyi, and to New Hope Uganda.  I really hope these things happen (especially Rwanda).  Later Esther went into the town and picked up some women for our book study.  It was incredible.  I presented the Gospel of Grace and about 15 women accepted Jesus as their Romancer and Savior.  It was a powerful time, and I am so humbled that God has used me, and will continue to use me. Me? Even now it’s hard to believe.

Tonight we went to watch Joseph perform with some guys in town.  IT was a nice change of pace, and I really enjoyed hanging out with the adults.  I really enjoyed getting to know them outside of the ministry, laughing together, and enjoying each other and the company.  Once we got back, the children were waiting to eat dinner with us.  It was a lovely fish feast that Esther made; I have to admit I was a little scared of the fish because they still had heads and fins.  But, much to my surprise it was very good!  Then we headed into a time of worship and God has just been continuing to remind me of his goodness and grace.  We sang "Your grace is enough" over and over again-solidifying what I have been learning lately.

In conclusion, I choose to welcome life’s ups and downs, because like Ecclesiastes 7 says “both are from God.”  I know He will use those times to bring me closer and more reliant on Him.