He's Always Been Faithful By Sara Groves

Morning by morning I wake up to find 
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine 
Season by season I watch Him, amazed 
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful to me. 

I can’t remember a trial or a pain 
He did not recycle to bring me gain 
I can’t remember one single regret 
In serving God only, and trusting His hand 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful to me. 

This is my anthem, this is my song 
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long 
God has been faithful, He will be again 
His loving compassion, it knows no end 
All I have need of, His hand will provide 
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful 
He’s always been faithful to me.

What was Once a Memory...

(A paper I wrote about music and its importance to me...)
             Music is such an abstract word, used by so many people in infinite ways.  Music serves countless purposes including describing cultural divides, defining family and friendship bonds, getting parties started, resting, exercising, and aiding in religious services.  Of the five propositions of music including various aspects of the properties of music, sound and how it is organized, people giving meaning to music, intentions and perceptions, and how it is intrinsically based on the Western view of music, music’s most influential and important role is how sound is organized by people creating the music (Bakan, 3-6).

The most significant role I have had in the making of music in my lifetime was when I was in high school.  My identity was “choir kid.”  I went to a small, Christian, art and theatre high school in the west suburbs.  Everything that I did there had something to do with singing.  I was in two choirs (one mass choir and another small a cappella choir of twelve students), a worship team band (one at school and another at church), and was in all four musicals during my high school education.  I sing; it is what I do.

The proposition that I most identified with was the third: “Sounds are organized into music by people; thus, music is a form of humanly organized sound” (Bakan, 4).  Choir was an outlet for me to do what I love to do.  By the help of our choir director, our group of fifty to sixty students organized sound using the dynamics to emphasize certain phrases, dissonance, and harmony to show conflict and resolution.  When we discussed the translations of international pieces or the depth of certain poems that were put to music the sounds grew in meaning for my heart.  When we performed our songs I realized the importance of relaying the heart of the message to the audience, which did not have the time spent in class to hear about the impact the song had on us, by use of dynamics, dissonance, and harmony.

Because choir was a class in high school it was very important that we treated class as we would any other.  We were tested on our ability to memorize the music and were expected to appear professional during performances and class time.  This may have damaged my view of music.  I became callused by the formal display of music and how creatively stunting it can be, thus why I have not joined choir at UIC.  I enjoy the private, less pressurized, singing with a single instrument.  Choir also taught me what sounds “right” in music and what sounds “wrong.”  To appreciate music that is dissonant or unappealing to a choir audience is especially difficult for me.  I have been trained to know when a note is out of key; therefore music that displays such notes is rejected as beautiful.

I enjoyed singing songs from other cultures and in other languages.  The songs that were in different languages, including German, Italian, Spanish and others, were much harder to memorize.  However, those songs definitely helped me see into another country’s culture, thus proving how powerful music can be in the defining of cultural divides.  Though I have a hard time accepting some music as beautiful, all music has value.  These songs really broadened my view of music and have helped me see beyond myself.  I am a white, young, suburban, middle-class, American woman and student who refuses to be aware solely of herself and country.  I love to travel and experience how others do things.  But being trained in music the way I have been, might have affected my perception of other kinds of music negatively.

This summer I spent eight weeks in Uganda, living with a family and organization that houses street children while providing them food and education.  I experienced rich community and love.  The kids that I lived with were incredibly talented in nearly all things they attempted to do.  Church, on Sunday mornings, looks a lot different than a typical Christian service would here in the states.  Their “choir” was a massing of all the kids together to shout songs to God.   During these songs the children would dance using their entire bodies to praise God.  Rarely do we see this kind of display in the states, one that is undignified in almost every way.  Somehow, I found beauty in it.  They taught me a lot about how sound matters less than the heart of the music does.  If someone is singing to his or her Creator or loved one, it usually does not matter how “good” it sounds if someone can feel the passion in the demonstration.

All in all, music has various meanings and holds different weight for different people.  Learning how to sing with a big group of people was an invaluable lesson.  Choir taught me how to work in a group to prepare a piece of art that can be enjoyed by an even bigger group.  I learned about cultures outside of my own because of the various languages in which we sang.  I hope that my view of music continues to broaden from here, making what was once my identity merely a memory.

Works Cited

Bakan, Michael B. "What, in the World, Is Music?" World Music: Traditions and Transformations. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2012. Print.

Here, I place my stake.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks with freshmen move-in, the first two weeks of classes, and various other transitions and friendly gatherings.

But, today I submit to you (whoever is reading) that I yearn to be a woman of God, following after the heart of God-the One from whom I was made. It has been a roller coaster of a summer.  I have experienced joy, pain, exhaustion, fulfillment, the fruits of obedience and the frustrations of self-focus. However, I know that I have been bought with a price, and that price was steep and for my salvation and rescue. I want to be a woman that knows who she is: His.  Everything else can just follow after.

I need not, God will supply.  I have always felt entitled, and God always reminds me that I am not.  Everything that I have is because of Him: shelter, family, food, finances, community...  They are all blessings from the Lord.  I need not take them for granted, I need not hold them as my own, I need not trust my own strength.  I need not, God will supply.

100 miles. two days. my bike. fellowship.

Katie Davidson and I had a wacky idea to go to Lake Geneva on our bikes (yes, this has been done by others before and will probably be done again-I am not claiming originality in the idea, but it was my first time with this kind of distance).  Anyways, we trained a little bit, but I don't think it thoroughly prepared us for what was ahead.

Mind, body, soul.   These three things were not working together for me on the first day.  We got lost in Lake Geneva (which resulted in a long detour), I was exhausted, my butt hurt from the seat, my spirit was down,  and I was increasingly getting dehydrated.  The sun felt hotter and hotter on my back and pedaling felt worse and worse on my legs. But, in time we made it!  I was so happy to see "Comfort Suites" (the hotel we stayed at).  I started to doubt whether or not I would be able to make it the next day. I made plans in my head about how I was going to get home without riding... there weren't many options.  I knew I would be so mad at myself if I decided not to go,  but I was so weak.  Soon, Katie O'Dowd drove up with all of our stuff, and the three of us toured around Lake Geneva together.  KO took care of me, as I certainly was dehydrated and hungry (THANKS KATIE!!).  We enjoyed a pizza dinner and walked around Lake Geneva's downtown area at sunset.  These friends are good ones, ones I will keep forever.  I bought ice cream (DUH), and we all enjoyed a late night hot tub at the hotel.  It was a girly night, filled with a lot of laughter.  Around 10:30pm KD and I were exhausted and fell asleep.

In the morning I was energized by the night's rest and by the food I ate at dinner.  I was ready.  I wanted to finish what I started.  I had a big breakfast (something I forgot was important day one), I was pumped, excited, and positive.  The positivity remained (which surprised me).  I prayed a lot today that God would give me strength, energy, and help me enjoy the next hours on my bike.  The time went by so quickly.  We rode super fast and cut off almost an hour and a half of our previous time (mostly because we didn't get lost). We made it from the hotel to Elgin in 4 hrs and 45 mins (including breaks). Bam! I was so proud and happy to be done.

I encourage you to do something you don't think you can. Pray. And, watch God come through for you.

(For those of you that were wondering... Katie Davidson kicked my butt. She could have made it in 3 1/2- 4 hrs, but like everything it's good to enjoy things in community. She's a trooper.)

i dont have to stay on this roller coaster

http://missiodeichicago.com/mp3s/RJ.5.1.2011.Gospel.vs.Religion.mp3

STOP

Everyone, STOP!  Wait one second. I don't know about you, but I assume that along with me, you are being carried away by life's chaos to the point that it's hard to just stop and enjoy a moment without thinking about the next.  I have been so blinded by my own problems and the negative things that are going on in my life, that it is hard for me to see beyond them.

After I left my grandma's house this evening, the sky started to pour down rain and lightening flooded my field of vision.  It was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life driving with the windows rolled down while belting JJ Heller ballads at the top of my lungs.  Rain flooded my windshield making it almost impossible to see the lines in the road, but soon I could see clearly what God was showing me.  I cannot let circumstances, like a downpour, blind my eyes.  I need to see past the rain, or sorrow, and truly believe the sun comes up again.  I may feel the weight of a downpour or the frustration when light(ening) reveals some darkness within, but I will boast about my weakness so that His power will be made perfect.

Storms help me see a lot of things about life that I forget when the sun is shining.

Providentially, this song by JJ Heller played on my drive BACK HOME:
Don't let your eyes get used to darkness
The light is coming soon
Don't let your heart get used to sadness
Put your hope in what is true

No matter how the wind may blow
It cannot shake the sun
Lay your sorrows on the ground
It's time to come back home

When the future seems uncertain
Like the coming of a storm
Your loving Father carries his children
When they can't walk anymore

No matter how the wind may blow
It cannot shake the sun
Lay your sorrows on the ground
It's time to come back home

Oh, back home...
Oh, back home...
Oh, back home...
Oh...

The Hangover...

           No, I didn’t get drunk last night, and I am not feeling a real hangover… but I am just feeling the lull after the high of being in Uganda.  I have been home for about ten days now and it has finally hit me.  The first five or six days were just peachy.  I was embraced by my friends and family, which I had missed while I was gone, but the honeymoon phase is now over.  I really hope nobody is offended by the words I have to say here… I am just choosing to be very honest about how I am feeling.  I know the way I am feeling is probably normal, but I do feel so crazy.

            I am back.  It is surreal.  A great Ugandan family loved me, I loved my life there, and I knew purpose and peace.  Here, I am confused.  Confused about “home,” confused about purpose, and not experiencing much peace at all.  I feel weighted down by the pulls of the busy American lifestyle and overwhelmed by the amount of money I have already spent.  I feel stuck in my own head.

            My normal life will be starting soon.  After the next two weeks of mini trips and catching up with people, I will be moving back to school for RA training.  I am looking forward to a normal schedule and some consistency.  I think this limbo period rocks my boat a little bit.  I will enjoy the familiar room, city, and people.  BUT, I want this purpose back.  I want peace back.  I don’t want to feel confused or overwhelmed.  Jesus is the Prince of Peace and His peace surpasses our understanding. 

            My life in Uganda was simple.  My purpose was simple.  Everything I did was simple. Here things feel more complicated then they ever need to be.  Being busy is a choice, and I know that I have made that choice willingly.  But I think the problem is I got used to not being busy and living a really focused and disciplined life.  As of now, my life feels like it is spiraling out of control. I am moody, impatient, tired, and just very up and down emotionally. But, my purpose is clear: love God and love people.  I need to take every opportunity and chance to exhibit these things. It’s hard, and sometimes I want to throw myself a pity party for the things that I am feeling (exhibit a: this very post) but the reality is, God has GREAT things for me (and you) we just have to trust Him.   

            So, I guess writing this post really helped me see past myself, my insecurities, and my insufficiencies.  I can instead look to the Lord, love, and beauty.  I want to take advantage of the small things (something a Dove chocolate saying reminded me of this week).  Nothing is small, everything is an opportunity to love.  In my weakness, He is strong.  So, I can tell you that I am sinful and selfish, but in Christ I am a saint.  How? Grace.